I hate it! I try and I try and I fail. Whats the use? I have a daughter who would rather pee and poo in her pants then in the toilet, a son who cannot remember to bring home his lunchbox or his homework and last night went to bed right after dinner because he came home forgetting to bring his homework. I have a husband who expects a spotless house and keeps throwing in my face everything has a place...and then we have me who right now feels like the biggest failure in the world. I thought ok, I am losing my job, no big deal, now I can be like the perfect wife and mom when in actuality not. My heart is hurting and I can't seem to keep control of the kids and keep up the house and still have time for myself to think and to heal. I get on Facebook to see what everyone else is up to since basically I have no life and I get yelled at for that saying its "wasting my time" . I dont even have a space of my own in this house. Dont get me wrong I love my husband and I know he loves me and I want to be the best wife and mom I can be but my husband needs to realize I am not perfect. My mother is a hoarder and I have come a long way from that but I am still growing. He is not perfect either-- you can be as organized as you want to be, but you have to enjoy life and life gets messy but it can always be cleaned up.

I am sitting here smelling my Scentsy burner. I am melting Rio Beach and Citrus Sun Tea and those scents remind me so much of out trip to Florida and when things get hectic I put my mind back there. The white sand beaches, palm trees, emerald water, the smell of suntan oil, and the sun. It was so relaxing down there, my husband enjoyed himself and relaxed and let himself live a little, the kids loved playing in the salt water. No one was rushing around..it was just peaceful. When things get hectic and crazy thats where my mind drifts off to..the beach....

This past month has been tough for me. I miss my job, my co-workers and now I am home all day. I find myself a couple of times a day thinking about what all are they doing and how many soldiers are they seeing and I find myself asking God alot--why did my job have to end and why couldnt I have gotten the GS Job-- this really frustrates me. I love Atterbury, the people, everything and I miss it alot. I am sure God has a reason and I am sure someday I will find out but until then I am going to keep trying to embrace this full-time wife and mom thing and do it to the best of my ability and look for the small blessings God bestows upon me each and everyday...